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Writer's pictureKristen Ann

Understanding Conflict Styles: Navigating Relationships with Insight

Updated: Sep 30, 2024


“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” ~ Viktor Frankl

Conflict is an inevitable part of human interaction. How we respond to conflict can significantly impact our relationships and our decision making . People generally adopt one of five primary conflict styles: Competing, Accommodating, Avoiding, Compromising, and Cooperating. Each style has its own strengths and drawbacks, and knowing your dominant style, and when to be flexible, can help you navigate conflicts more effectively.


Competing (Shark) Aggressive, focused on winning.

If you have a competing style, you resolve with force. You aim to win, often at the expense of others. This “I Win – You Lose” approach can be effective for making quick decisions, but it can damage relationships and breed resentment.


Communication Style: Aggressive and intimidating.

Advantages: Quick resolution, clear who is in charge.

Disadvantages: Damaged relationships, potential for long-term resentment.


Accommodating (Teddy Bear) Maintains harmony, often at personal cost.

If you have an accommodating style, you seek to quickly resolve conflict to maintain harmony. You often put others’ needs before your own, resulting in a “You Win – I Lose” situation. While this can maintain superficial peace, it can harm your self-esteem and lead to stress.


Communication Style: Diplomatic and friendly.

Advantages: Quick conflict resolution, maintains surface-level harmony.

Disadvantages: Ignored personal needs, potential for resentment and stress.


Avoiding (Turtle) Ignores conflict, hopes it will go away.

If you have an avoiding style, you prefer to ignore conflict, hoping it will disappear. This “I Lose – You Lose” approach can prevent immediate confrontation but often leads to unresolved issues and weakened relationships.


Communication Style: Non-existent.

Advantages: Temporary illusion of peace.

Disadvantages: Unresolved issues, frustration for all parties involved, negative impact on self-esteem.


Compromising (Fox) Cunning and alert, seeks fair but not ideal solutions.

If you have a compromising style, you seek a middle ground. You believe in “give and take” and aim for a “I Win Some – I Lose Some / You Win Some – You Lose Some” outcome. While this can quickly resolve conflicts, it often leaves both parties somewhat dissatisfied.


Communication Style: Fairly shallow.

Advantages: Quick resolution, both parties give and take.

Disadvantages: Neither party fully satisfied, shallow communication.


Collaborting (Owl) Seeks all perspectives, creates best solutions.

If you have a collaborating style, you see conflict as an opportunity for mutual growth. You strive for an “We All Win” outcome, valuing open and honest communication. While this approach can strengthen relationships, it can be time-consuming.


Communication Style: Assertive and open.

Advantages: Strengthens relationships, respects all needs.

Disadvantages: Time-consuming, may be perceived as indecisive.



Understanding your dominant conflict style and recognizing the styles of others can help you navigate conflicts more effectively. While the coollaboarting style is often preferred for its emphasis on mutual respect and understanding, each style has its place depending on the goal and the relationship.


For instance, in an emergency, a forcing approach may be necessary. In some cases, avoiding conflict can be wise, while in others, compromising may be the most practical solution.


Embracing Flexibility in Conflict


We are not locked into one conflict style. Understanding and adapting our style to fit the situation can lead to better outcomes. For example, a shark can learn to be more collaborative like an owl, and a turtle can choose to engage when necessary.


No conflict style is inherently right or wrong. The best style depends on the situation. Sometimes a shark’s decisiveness is needed; other times, a turtle’s patience is wise. By understanding our own and others' conflict styles, we can choose the most effective approach for any given situation.


If you want to understand your conflict style better and learn how to navigate conflicts more effectively, let's connect for a free consultation!



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