Ask engaging questions …focus on being INTERESTED instead of interesting
●What are you most excited about currently?
●What’s lighting you up outside of work?
●What’s your favorite book/podcast you’ve read/listened to recently?
●What’s your connection to …? (the event, organization, or person)
Be a LOUD listener ... Live in levels 2 and 3
There is a concept I love when it comes to listening to REALLY understand:
1."Me" Listening: You're having a conversation, but your internal voice is relating everything you hear to something in your own life. Your internal voice runs off on tangents, thinking about your own life while the other person is talking about theirs. You're waiting to speak, not listening to learn. This is the default mode of listening for everyone.
Example: While someone is talking about their weekend, the listener is thinking about what they did over the weekend or what they plan to say next.
2."You" Listening: You're having a conversation, and you are deeply focused on what the other person is saying. You are present and intently focused. You're not waiting to speak, you're listening to learn.
Example: While someone is talking about their weekend, the listener asks questions like, “What did you enjoy the most about your weekend?” or reflects back with, “It sounds like you had a relaxing time at the beach.”
3."Us" Listening: You're building a "map" of the other person, understanding how all the new information they are sharing fits into that broader map of their life and world. You're listening to understand, considering the layers beneath what the other person is saying.
Example: While someone is talking about their weekend, the listener notices the excitement in the speaker’s voice when they mention a particular event and observes the change in their body language, indicating a deeper significance.
Most people default to Level 1 listening—but charismatic people have a practiced intention around Level 2 and Level 3 listening. If you want to build new, genuine relationships, you have to live in Level 2 and Level 3.
Be a loud listener: After you ask questions, lean in, show your focus and presence with body language, facial expressions, and sounds. As you listen, make mental notes of a few pertinent facts about the person, their interests, or anything else that jumps out to you.
REFLECT & CONNECT
Think of a time when...you felt truly heard and understood. What behaviors did the listener exhibit that made you feel this way?
When do you find it most challenging to listen actively, and what triggers or distractions contribute to this?
How do your personal biases and assumptions affect your listening habits?
TAKE ACTION
Create your own “rules of engagement” – Be Present
minimize distractions, limit multitasking, set boundaries
Make notes, and follow up to show ongoing interest
Show physical engagement – eye contact, nod, smile, open body language
Practice, practice, practice!
I have several self assessment tools, that can provide a lens to see what areas of emotional intelligence are weakened. Want to learn more -- feel free to schedule a free consultation today. I want to hear your story!
Commentaires