Emotions and needs are the critical keys in developing great relationships. The character trait of bonding encompasses how vulnerably you can relate and how in touch you are with your emotions and needs, as well as with the vulnerabilities of others. It means to be open and vulnerable in a way that your heart, mind, and soul are available to be known and experienced by others. It means being able to trust and need another person. It means being able to invest emotionally in someone.
People that are well developed in personal attachment, find that they have a healthy team of people in their life to connect with on deep, sustained and meaningful levels. If you have trouble connecting emotionally with people, get into a network of safe people and work through your fears of being known. Learn to need others. Be vulnerable. Share yourself. Get close. Trust. Talk about your fears.
There are many ways to get real and heal your disconnection. Here are some skills to practice:
Realize your needs.
Move towards others - lean in.
Be vulnerable.
Challenge distorted thinking - ask, "is it true?"
Say YES to life.
Allow dependent feelings.
Recognize your defenses.
Become comfortable with anger.
Take risks.
Pray and meditate.
Express empathy to others.
As you become more of a connecting person, emotional availability in a good and healthy way will flow from you. You will have the ability to express "who you are" to others in a way that creates fulfilling connections with other supportive and positive people.
You can do this with a small group, a group of friends, a coach ... or one of our growth groups. Want to chat more about -- feel free to schedule a free consultation today. I want to hear your story!
Cloud, H. (2005).How to get a date worth keeping: be dating in six months or your money back. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
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